It's Dark Out
by Between the Fire and the Storm
Summary: A parody of Luke's reunion with his father on Endor. Complete nonsense. Created by boredom for boredom.


While I normally assume that it's a bit obvious that I do not own Star Wars, I have quoted (and miss quoted) from several different works in this one. So if you heard it somewhere else, either I do not own it, or someone has the same weird sense of humor that I do.

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Luke's heart raced as the lift ascended. He had no idea what it was racing against so he did his best to calm down, but it was no use. He tried to relax; it was just his father after all. His father who had cut off his hand, tortured his friends, murdered millions, and was doing everything to destroy all that Luke stood for and believed in. Yeah, no pressure.

"Stop fidgeting." Luke wished he could turn and glare at the Imperial officer, but there was not enough room in the lift with the four of them in there. He settled for mentally grumbling about it with the occasional phrase slipping out every now and then. "Yeah, well your dad isn't a psychopath."

"What?"

"Nothing. Are we there yet?"

"We'll get there when we get there."

Luke shrugged. "Just seems like an awful long time for a couple of stories."

"Shut up. We'll be there soon enough."

Finally, the lift came to a stop and the doors slid open. Vader's distinct breathing ruined the solace that Luke had been enjoying. He stepped out with the officer right on his heals. Literally. "Watch it!" Completely ignoring Luke, the officer stepped around him and stood before Vader.

"His lifesaver."

"Lightsaber!" Luke and Vader corrected in unison.

The officer stuttered before continuing. "He-"

"Oh, get out of my sight. You annoy me, uncultured swine." He dared not disobey Vader.

Luke's full attention was now on his father standing before him, and he suddenly forgot why he was here. Oh, yes. He was going to turn him back to the light. How did he plan on doing that again?

While Luke sorted himself out, Vader went on babbling about something. Perhaps he should be paying attention. "Sorry did you say something?"

"Why weren't you listening the first time?"

"Hello!" Luke smiled. He had taken Vader by surprise. "My name is Luke Skywalker. You are my father. Prepare to be rescued!"

There was a long silence- except for Vader's breathing, of course. "What?"

"Hello! My name is Luke Skywalker. You are my father. Prepared to be rescued!"

"But I don't need any rescuing. If anyone around here needs rescuing its y-"

"Hello! My name is Luke Skywalker! You are my father! Prepare-"

"Stop saying that!"

Luke frowned and turned to look out at the view. Here leaned his bound arms on the railing and spoke softly. "You needn't shout, father."

"I'm not shouting! And stop calling me that."

Luke turned to face him. "And what should I call you? Anakin Skywalker?"

"Oh, no you didn't."

"Oh, yes I did."

"That name has no meaning to me anymore."

Luke looked at him with pity. "Somewhere deep inside of you, I think it does." There was a long silence between them. "By the way, what _does_ Anakin' mean?"

"I'm not sure, really. My mother was fond of strange names."

Another silence as Luke started as Vader.

"What?"

"You had a mother?"

"Well of course I had a mother!"

Luke turned back to staring at the view. "I just can't imagine you as a mommy's boy."

Luke could feel his father growing angry. "Son, look out there; someday everything the light touches will be yours."

Luke looked. "It's dark out."

"Exactly!" Luke rolled his eyes. "And you're grounded too!"

Luke whirled around. "You can't ground me!"

"Want to bet on it?"

"What kind of father encourages gambling!" Wait, this was getting them nowhere. "Father, come away with me. Leave while we still can." Vader's mask was even more emotionless than usual.

"You are definitely your mother's son."

"So...you're not going to take me before the emperor?"

"No such luck. Come on." Luke reluctantly followed Vader onto yet another lift. This took forever too but he did not care. He was just relieved to finally sit down in the shuttle. He had been standing ever since he left in the middle of C3PO's exaggerated and poorly told story. Vader piloted the ship himself. They were alone. The silence between them was very awkward, and Luke could not keep from fidgeting. "What's your problem now?"

"I was just wondering, what do you look like?"

"Now, or before?"

"Before."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay then how about now?"

"I don't want to talk about that either."

Luke shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. I'll just ignore you then."

"Well, I'm going too ignore you to!"

"You can't ignore me! I was ignoring you first!"

"I can't hear you!"

"Yes you can."

"No I can't!"

"Yes you can! Watch it!"

Vader swerved just in time to stop them from crashing into the side of the Death Star. "That was close."

"Well if you had been paying attention..." Vader started to land.

"Shut up! I know how to drive."

"You're too old to be driving."

"You don't even know how old I am."

"Ancient."

"Shut up." Luke sat and stewed for a moment. His father was so stubborn. He was nothing like that.

"Have you worn the same suit for the last eighty years?"

"Twenty-three. And no, out course not." Luke stood up when they landed. They started for the door.

"And you never once thought of changing up the style a little. And what's with all the black all the time? Couldn't you be a little more creative?"

"I only work in black- and sometimes... very dark gray."

"Well that's stupid. No wonder you're losing this war." Luke was about to say something else but Vader shushed him when the landing ramp lowered down. They were silent as they walked amongst the stormtroopers and strait into yet another lift. Luke rolled his eyes. He wondered how long this ride was going to take. The lift started to move and so did Luke- strait to the floor. "Really!" Vader grabbed his arm and helped him back up. "Can't you people at least keep your lift speeds consistent?"

"Do you even work on lifts, son?"

"Oh, stop calling me that!"

"Well I brought you up didn't I?"

"Psychopath!"

"Highly functioning sociopath would be the correct term."

Luke was about to make a sarcastic reply when Vader shushed him. The doors slid open and he stepped out with his father close behind him. The huge chair at the top of the steps slowly turned. The Emperor!

Luke suddenly found himself wondering what to do. His original plan was to steal away with his father, but somewhere along the line he had gotten sidetracked. Wing it, he decided. What could go wrong?


End file.
